Downtime

After a few emotionally charged weeks, I've been able to take a little time off of work --roughly 5 days-- and try to recharge and regain my normally positive outlook. And one way to do that was spend some time with some of my favorite people...my family.

I kicked off this recharging time by hanging out with my 9 year old niece Sophie on Thursday. I picked her up from school and we were off to pick up our weekly supply of fresh produce and eggs. Sophie helped me collect the lettuce, radishes, onions, collard greens, parsley, strawberries and eggs. And then we were off to the movies.

Since Sophie was about three, she has been my movie buddy. Typically we go to see animated films, but now that she's getting older, we opted for Prince Caspian, the latest in the Chronicles of Narnia series. We arrived just in time for the 4:30 show and to our excitement, we were two of only four people in the theatre. And just where should one sit when the movie theatre is completely empty...the very back row, of course. I'm picking seats the next time.

As we got settle in our seats waiting for the movie to start, I proceeded to dump my popcorn in the floor...about half of the bag. I think it embarassed Sophie.

The movie itself was good. The scenery in the film beautiful, as with the first film. But I will say, and warn you that there were some scenes that were quite violent. I was not expecting some of it and found myself covering Sophie's eyes several times. Needless to say, we got through the film and had a blast. We're looking forward to our next movie night....Kung Fu Panda.

For now, I'm spending some time in my hometown, languishing in time with family.

My next post is #100...I hope I can come up with something good for that!

10,000 plus

I just realized that we've had over 10,000 hits here! I'm sure at least 9000 were from me. Just kidding. A huge thank you to those who read this.

Thoughts on Moms

I've been trying to formulate this post in my head for the last several days. Initially I had planned on posting this on Mother's Day, but I was entirely too emotional to get that done. With the prospect of impending motherhood right around the corner, I've found myself struggling with that notion. I'm having a little trouble wrapping my head around the enormity of this new position in life and struggling somewhat to find a sense of what that role truly means.

A few weeks ago, our profiles started being shown to expectant mothers, which is really when I started to struggle. At times, if I allow myself to think about it, I'm completely overwhelmed by the decision that an expectant mother will make to place her child into our family. I really cannot imagine a decision any harder than that. What about us makes us the right family? Why would we be the best choice?

I've found myself struggling with the concept of being someone's mother. If you've been reading this blog, or if you know me, then you know that my mother died unexpectedly when I was eight. And obviously that loss has shaped a tremendous part of who I am. I had a great mom and the memories I have of her are only happy ones. I've tried really hard not to let that be the most defining moment in my life.

While that is tragic,--and believe me I'm not looking for sympathy-- I was also fortunate enough to be blessed with an incredible step-mother who came into my life when I was finishing college. She became a second mother to me and brought with her the older sister and brother I never got to have. (Let me just mention I have a great younger brother from my mom's second marriage. I don't want him to feel slighted.) Anne was one of the most amazing and heroic women that I've ever known. And I'm so blessed that she accepted me as her daughter. She came along at the perfect time in my life. But like my mother, she was taken too soon.

A big part of me feels that I'm struggling so much with this prospective new role because of the loss of these great women. Sometimes I try to reason with myself about this uneasiness, telling myself that through my "formative" years I didn't have a "mother" role model. Which is ridiculous, because between two grandmothers, one great-grandmother, aunts and a great single father, I had more mothering than a lot of my friends.

Ultimately, I know that this journey will venture towards our child and that I will be great mother. (and Larry will be a phenomenal father). I've had great role models in the past. And I've got great role models now, who have been so incredibly supportive of me in this quest. (And you know who you are.)

If you're still with me, thanks for reading! I needed to get that out of my brain.

Hopefully something lighter will come along soon.

Bad Blogger!

So, I realize that I have not been the best blogger lately. The past few weeks have been emotionally draining for a number of reasons and I haven't had the energy to keep this updated. There is nothing new to report as far as the adoption other than it continues to the ever-changing roller coaster ride. We are working with new agency that maintains regular contact with us, which is great, but not without its ups and downs. We heard a few weeks ago that our profile was being shown, however we found out that this was not the case. Not anything extreme, but disheartening nonetheless.


Work has also been in somewhat of an upheaval lately. I'm sure that will all work out for the best however.


In the meantime, I'm trying to keep all of my free time occupied. Thankfully the weather has gotten better, which means my small garden is growing, growing, growing. I've already gathered several strawberries and see a few yellow blossoms on the tomato plants.

We're also participating in a really cool program called Horse and Buggy Produce. It provides locally grown, spray free produce and other types of food products. Most of the produce and other goods come from Mennonite Farmers in Virginia. I'm have the best time with this. I'm being introduced to tons of new types of produce and spending a lot more time cooking. I'm hopeful to add a few more products from this service soon. I'm working really hard to move towards a more organic lifestyle...(yes, Leanne, go ahead and call me a hippie.)

I'm also doing more knitting, even getting a "knitting machine." Hopefully soon I will post some photos of my creations. I'm still getting used to the machine. We'll see.

Happy Birthday Larry!!

Today my favorite registered nurse is celebrating his birthday! Here's hoping next year, we can celebrate as a family of three.

And just how did he ring in his birthday...doing laundry.

Happy Birthday Larry!!!!